when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
