This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
