woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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