Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
