a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
