I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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