just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
