I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
