Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
