fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize