she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
