I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
