I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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