He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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