Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
