Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
