After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
