i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
