On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Alive.
So much puke
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
