im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
