im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
