I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I deserve this hangover.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
