halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
