Got a toothbrush?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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