I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
