There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
