i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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