no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
