I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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