just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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