I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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