gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
