Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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