before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
