The maid of honor just puked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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