absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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