Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
