my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Randomize
