that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
