I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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