Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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