Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
