Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
