You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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