God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize