it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone came in the potted fern
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
