But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize