I just pynch a tree in the face
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
