Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
