remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
