And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
