My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
