I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
