Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
