If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You left your phone here
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