She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
