Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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