Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
