its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
