New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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