the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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