I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
