guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
