two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
