I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
