dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
