Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
