Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
