just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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